On April 30, 2022, Naomi Judd passed away in her home in Tennessee. Whether or not you are a fan of The Judds, country music icons who began their rise to fame in the 1980’s, this death was tragic. Her family indicated that Naomi had died after years of battling mental illness which ultimately left rumors and gossip all over the internet. Ironically, I was attending a suicidology conference in Chicago when the alerts started coming across my phone. Like others, we speculated as to what had happened.

Today, Good Morning America aired an interview with Ashley, who wanted to share additional facts as to what happened with her mother. The family felt it was best to give some details before they were disclosed by other people or agencies. While I understand the reason for Ashley’s candor, I am saddened that their level of celebrity somewhat forces the need to give information when it is truly a private matter happening within a family.

My company, Journey Thru Grief, exists to provide resources to people who have lost a loved one to suicide. Unfortunately, I have not been in business long enough to have gained the connections or the network to be able to reach out to Ashley and her family directly. In lieu of that, I have written a list of things I would say to Ashley if I had the opportunity. Maybe this will be shared throughout the internet to where she will eventually see it.

• First and foremost, your mother should not be defined by how she died. She was a person who was loved and worthy of love, period.
• After the newness of this loss has worn off, people will move on with their lives no matter how much they love you. You will feel the abandonment of this and it will hurt. While people mean well, it is typical human behavior. Please know there are resources for you to fall back on when it feels like you are alone.
• Your emotions are going to be all over the place. One minute you will be sad and then the next minute you could be angry. Once minute you could be trying to justify this loss and then the next minute you will feel guilty of what you think you could have done. Please know that this roller coaster is unsettling yet normal.
• You will feel like you are in a fog. Your memory will lapse within the most mundane of tasks. Again, this is normal.
• As you work through the trauma of what you saw, know that there is help both medically and from your peers who have been where you are.
• Life won’t be the same. You do not move on and forget. Some day there may be acceptance. In all, know that you have support from other loss survivors be it from within your circle or from the peers you will never meet.